darkness and light

I just read these two articles from the New York Times' "Happy Days" blog:

Number 1
Number 2

They both discuss despair as a vital aspect of happiness - the idea that without darkness we cannot experience light. I think this is a very interesting idea, but I believe that it's a philosophy more applicable to literature, art, and/or music than to life itself. It's true that we can appreciate happiness more when we have experienced despair or depression, but I don't believe that we need to cultivate suffering to heighten our experience of joy.

I think that what both these articles get at is this idea that a person has to go inward and discover their truest self, and accept that self, in order to be happy. The first article states that "despair is marked by a desire to get rid of the self, an unwillingness to become who you fundamentally are." In renaissance literature, if a character stated that they were in despair, it always meant that that character was going to commit suicide: the ultimate ridding of the self. What I conclude from the quoted statement above is that to end despair we must know and accept who we are. Only when we have taken this journey inward, really confronting our darkness and understanding it, can we come back into the light and experience compassion, sympathy, and empathy for our fellow humans.

The second author uses Coleridge rather than Kirkegaard to back up his point, which is that despair begets joy, and that experiencing intense longing is to be "suffused with love." I disagree, however. I think that to truly experience love and happiness is to be rid of longing. When we can let go and move through life with open hearts and open minds is when we can truly experience happiness. Although it is romantic to pine and be consumed with desire, it is not really the best way to live day-to-day. How exhausting to be constantly wanting! One of the noble truths of Buddhism is that to eliminate suffering, we have to let go of desires, and then we can experience peace. So, rather than cultivate or wallow in longing and despair, we can acknowledge those feelings, understand that they are transient, and move on. But once again there is this idea that we have to travel inward in order to experience happiness or peace: we're all going to experience despair, but rather than ignoring those feelings or identifying with them, we can accept them, release them, and move forward. It's this constant balance between darkness and light.

While reading and thinking about both of these articles, in the back of my mind is Karen Armstrong, whose work I've been reading and listening to on TED.com. She talks a lot about compassion, and acknowledging that we humans are all connected. Also on my mind has been the writing of Rolf Gates, who says that in order to have compassion for our fellow man (an outward experience), we have to first travel inward. To truly love others, we first have to find love within.